We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. 

this piece was published on the day of Yale’s 2012 commencement, five days before the author died in a car accident. Cornell’s quite a different school from Yale, but this embodies a lot of the fears and loves and concerns we all share, i think. there’s a sweetness to these musings that moves beyond sentimentality.

every time i go home i say the same sorts of things.

that i’m going to spend more time with my parents and truly cherish their company. that i’m going to spend less time alone in my room with my books and my music. that i’m going to be the filial daughter and do everything around the house without even having it requested of me.

it is always next to my parents’ selflessness that i am shamed into realizing my own selfishness. every time i go home i end up sorely disappointed with myself. this time around, however, has been very different. but i regret that it takes the real urgency of an entire summer away from my family to appreciate them.

if i am growing up, it’s better late than never.

today i had dinner with a friend. a lot of catching up happened because we barely met up over the semester, but it was pretty amazing to share about what God had been doing in both our lives. we found out we had a lot of parallel experiences that had stuck to us in different ways or means.

at some point she said, “it’s crazy how crazy we are about Jesus.”

it was a very poignant statement for me, because just a year ago i really didn’t care about any of it… so i went through my tumblr tonight. and i managed to read through entries from the past few months. incidentally, most of it is gushing. 

i gush and gush and gush and can’t stop lol.

it is so strange to me.

when competitions arise, it’s easy to forget the distinction between flesh and spirit. hype can be a great thing, and i find myself so nervous-excited-restless even now. the pitfall is when i start ranking my worth in relation to others. i have to tell myself this a lot, because even though I know that I am richly blessed, there are times when seeds of doubt take root and don’t let go. i psych myself out really easily. 

never compare, never compete. i wasn’t put in the world to win shiny little trophies. to earn gold stars on my transcript. to build up relationships to use like commodities.

my war is not with other men. and the only war that really counts has already been won. i was created by Him and for Him; i am just following the footsteps of someone who has already broken down all the walls before me.